Cali Rae

Thanksgiving Day 2012

Yesterday marked the 1 year anniversary of the passing of our beautiful daughter Cali Rae. 
 Thanks to a dear friend, we have this rare picture of Michael and I admiring Cali last year on Thanksgiving day. I cherish this picture. It sits at my bedside and is the first thing I see every day when I wake, and the last thing I see before my head hits the pillow at night. I am so happy someone was able to capture the love we felt for Cali. 
 Our day was pretty low key. We spent the day with family and ended the night by hanging Cali's star at the very top of our Christmas tree where it will hang every year to shine upon us. 

My dear, sweet, beautiful Cali,
It's been a year since you passed away, and I think you know how much I miss you. 
Today is hard, but it doesn't feel any different from any other day. I ALWAYS miss you.
It's funny.......whenever I step into the shower, I write your name in cursive on the foggy glass and dot the "i" with a heart. It's something that I don't even think about really. It just happens. You are obviously on my mind. 
I find myself thinking about you a lot. What would you have looked like? What would you have become? Would you have danced? Would you have climbed trees? What would your favorite color be?  
Do you hear me when I talk to you?  

There are fleeting moments when I feel you are there, like when I see a butterfly. 
I sat outside on the porch with your brother today and we were visited by a beautiful white butterfly.  She lingered for a while, and I like to believe it was you. I'd never seen a white butterfly until that moment.
I placed colorful butterflies on our Christmas tree this year in your honor. You are MY butterfly. 

We received "Cali" lillies and sweet gifts from our friends who comforted us in the hospital when you passed. We were so touched. Especially that they remembered the day.  

We had an early Christmas here in Florida with the whole family. Is was so nice to have everyone together. The only thing missing of course was YOU. 
I can't believe it's been a year Cali. We miss you and we love you to eternity.

So much love and peace,


pupbutt said...

Sending you so much love, as I know this time of year is bittersweet. I love that you keep her memory alive. You are a terrific Mom and she will never forget that…I am sure. Love and light to you all! xoxox

Anonymous said...

This was so beautiful Lea. I too think about Cali all the time wishing she were here with us. I can only imagine though how sad it must be for you, her Mommy, knowing how much you loved and love her. Death may end a life but it does not end a relationship. Love you, Mom